


Probably never to be finished Rarepair hell- Jaderezi pieces

by AceIrregular



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Detective AU, F/F, Never to be finished unless by popular demand, Unfinised, superhero au, welcome to rarepair hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 00:21:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceIrregular/pseuds/AceIrregular
Summary: I'm not finishing this I'm just recording it for posterity so people know what not to do. Though if you want either of these turned into actual things, let me know!





	1. Chapter 1

Your name is Jade Harley and you're kind of annoyed. Your half-adopted-cousin, Jane Crocker, Skaia City’s premier and only consulting detective has appointed you as her replacement while she hightails out of the city for a massive road trip with her four closest friends. This also means you're alone in the house, no big brother bugging you. Not only that, but it also means you're responsible for solving the murder of Cronus Ampora, grade-A douche, who’s body was found in the river the day Jane left. Detective Vantas has been notified of the changeover in positions, so he treats you with the utmost respect, unusual for him.

“So you're the one that Jane chose to replace her during her vacation? I'm surprised, Harley. Are you a detective as well?” He’s obviously straining not to chew you out for whatever it is he feels you've done. He is never this clipped and precise, not in all of the decade and a half you've known him. He'd be shouting at this point in normal conversation. Something's up.

“No, Mr. Vantas, but I'll try my best!!!!” Fake cheeriness drips off your words like blood off of a recently used knife. He shoots you a glare so acidic, it's surprising you don't melt then and there. He grabs your hand and drags you into the nearest alley. He then lifts you up by the collar of your jacket.

Your nose is one inch from his and you contemplate planting a kiss on it, but he starts hissing in your face. “HARLEY, WHAT THE *FUCK* DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING??? ARE YOU TRYING TO NOT ONLY TO HUMILIATE ME IN FRONT OF ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS, BUT ALSO GET ME FIRED FOR MISCONDUCT???” If he wouldn't rip your face off for it, you'd be grinning. Karkat Vantas is so easy to annoy, it almost isn't sporting. Your relationship is as vacillatory as ever. Friends one minute, kissmeses the next. You open your mouth to give a snarky reply, but he plows ahead. “ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL TROLLS IN THIS CITY’S BROTHER HAS BEEN MURDERED AND YOU ARE NOT BEING SERIOUS ENOUGH TO INVESTIGATE IT.” He takes a deep breath, calms down, and drops you. Exactly how much you get on his nerves is making him more aggravated, especially since he's supposed to be the calm detective handler. “Okay. Cronus is Eridan’s brother. Eridan is one of my best friends. He’s here, and expects me to be respectable, an impression you are ruining. We already know who did it, just make a show and LEAVE!”

You boop his nose and saunter away, content that he can't shoot you in broad daylight. Toying with Mr. Vantas is fun, but you follow his orders nonetheless. The murder weapon was obviously needlekind and only Damara, a known enemy of Cronus’, uses needles. Open and shut case, as the cops say. You report your findings to Equius, the sweaty officer who is standing outside the building. He just nods. As you continue, you literally run into someone who you've seen around, but…

“Watch where you're going!!


	2. The other rarepair hell piece

Your name is Jade Harley and you have just let out a small disgusted noise to let your roommate know you have read the first page headline.

BLIND JUSTICE LEAVES ‘EM HANGING ONCE AGAIN!

It's not just the terrible pun, though that is part of it. Ms. Megido, the editor, seems addicted to puns, every damn front page has to have one. The ‘it’ in question is that you heartily disagree with “Blind Justice”’s method of pseudo-justice. That wouldn't be such a big deal if you weren't her rival, the Doggy Gunslinger. And even THAT wouldn't be such a big deal if you hadn't said “blind justice is my kismesis” in front of hundreds of cameras on your third outing as the Doggy Gunslinger. But that wouldn't be a problem if your moirail and roommate wasn't, in fact, Blind Justice. She doesn't know that you know, and she doesn't know your secret identity. You are sure of this fact, well, as sure as you can be about anything concerning Terezi. She makes a similar noise to yours, which means she's seen your exploits as well. You apprehended the famous carapace gang, the Midnight Crew. They’re never out of action for long, and a regular source of work. You just have to get them before Blind Justice does.

“doggy gunslinger?”

“Y3S, TH3 B1TCH!” You wince at her using Blind Justice’s nickname for your alter ego. When you asked, Terezi said she picked it up, not very convincingly.

“jilted bluster is also still hanging criminals” You marvel at her lack of reaction. She really is good at holding her shark smile, black lips always revealing too many teeth.

The alarm goes off and you both reluctantly set off for work. You and Terezi do your secret moirail handshake then both set off on your way. You board the bus and shut yourself off from the world for a while. Putting in your earbuds you contemplate exactly how your life could be so complicated.

You're so cute I wanna wear you like a suit  
I think you'd look pretty good on me

When you're Doggy Gunsliger, you do really hate Blind Justice. Terezi is infuriating when you're just Jade too, but in a paler way. Is this the vacillation that's in all of Karkat’s shitty romcoms? Is it cheating? You consider this further as the song changes.

This appeared as a moral dilemma  
Cause at first it was weird, though I swore to eliminate  
The worst of the plague that devoured humanity it's true  
I was vague on the how, so can it be that you  
Have shown me the light

Strangely apt, you think. Blind Justice’s lack of mercy and crudeness in front of the press really pushed your buttons. It was a perfect recipe for a successful kissmesisitude but… Well, you’ll burn that bridge when you get to it. Inevitably messing up your superheroing is just how you roll. The bus stops and you get off.

You walk into your workplace, passing Nepeta and who gives you a little wave. Equius is underneath his latest robot. You hear a muffled “D--> Three eighths wrench please, Nepeta” and his meowrail obliges.

 


End file.
